Lately I’ve been getting spammed by recruiters representing ColdFusion positions along the East Coast. Invariably these emails arrive riddled with spelling and punctuation mistakes… and they are almost always signed with an Indian-sounding name. (sigh…. not that there’s anything wrong with that…)

I’m not looking to leave my current position or anything, but I’ll almost always give these emails a quick once over. I’ve never once been left with the feeling of “Wow! I’ve got to call this guy!” I’m more likely to take the recruiter’s email address and sign them up for a bunch of random newsletters.

I’m sorry, maybe it’s just me, but I have no confidence in someone who doesn’t take the time to communicate properly via text. There is no way I am going to “sign with you” if your communication looks like this:

I have your refernce from your resume in Monster.

I have a client position (Contract to Hire) in NY for a ColdFusion developer.
Please send me your rseume and/or contact me on 800-441-0077 Extn 216.

or…

Please check the below requirement and advise us the right consultant's along with Rate, Availability, Contact Details, Current Location & Visa Status.
It's an immediate requirement please sent me the suitable resumes ASAP.


Oh, and that last one contains a quote in the signature stating, “Committed to Human Excellence”. Hmmm… really? I must also stress that these two examples are only the most recent. The final straw you might say. They are hardly the worst.

If you are a recruiter and you actually want the $20-30K from making me change jobs, this is what you have to do:

1) Do not spam me with jobs that are not targeted to my background or interests. This means you, guy who sent me two emails asking me to go into an Executive Sales position. By the way, I hope you like the newsletters.

2) I live in CT and I’m not a foreign consultant. So don’t offer me a 3-month contract in Kansas.

3) Tell me what the position is, exactly. Provide me with the exact text that your client has supplied to you.

4) Tell me exactly how much it pays.

I’m not going to go crawling to you for more information. If you want to interest me, give me the information that you know I want in your very first communication.

5) Type using proper English and use proper punctuation.

6) Don’t tell me that you have a “requirement”. In this country, we call it a “job” or a “career” or a “position”.

7) Don’t call me. If you can’t be bothered to write down a concise description of what you are offering, then I can’t be bothered to speak with you.

So there.